It would be nice to know exactly what is best for my kids. I imagine that would save a lot of time and energy. Certainly it would save a ton of worry. Before I had kids, I didn’t really worry. Sure, I had concerns, there were certain things that bothered me, etc. Having kids, though… that’s a whole new area of worry.
I spend several hours each day working on job application stuff. Refining resumes, sending out documents, all of that silly nonsense that comes with finding a job. Prior to the kids, I didn’t really do that. I just stumbled into this job or that, moved from place to place. I was always busy. I’ve had a job or been a full time student (or both) since I was in kindergarten. But it didn’t matter. Now it does.
We’re thinking of where to live next year. One plan involves living apart, so I can teach and J can work. It may be necessary, for the money. It wouldn’t be awful, and we’ve done it before. But is it the best thing for the kids? I don’t really know. I can’t separate how much I want them with me all of the time with how much they need me with them. If I have a job two hours away, does that make their life worse? A little worse?
I wish I knew.
It’s silly, like I have a privileged version of the classic pioneer problem. Instead of heading across the country in a wagon and braving disease and death, I’ll be a few hours away with a car. And technology that means I can call them on my computer every night and see them. (I imagine if Lewis and Clark had Skype it would have taken at least some of the drama out of the excursion.)
I suppose I’ll see how it all shakes out. For now it means a lot of extra hugs for Pretty and Boy. And plenty of “Stop kissing me, you’re spiky!” Which is true.